Silently leading can be misleading

At a young age children kids will say and do the darndest things, which also stems from a show hosted by Bill Cosby. The things that they say may seem to be no big deal while they are little but remember that they will grow up. "What is not cute at 3 will not be cute at 13," my wife says to me.While on break at work one day I started to think about, what is called in the business world as, Silent Leadership. Silent Leadership is the type of leading, managing or supervising a person or situation where your lack of attention to a detail can actual send the wrong messages.

Consider a younger child and how we may take certain phrases or actions into consideration for their age. A three year old that hits or is mean to animals. A eight year old that continuously destroys his or her things. Or quite possibly a two year old that says "I don't like you." First - if you have older children - what would you say if the older child said that to you? "They're a kid...just let them be." This may not always be the case. By not acting at early stages in some cases we often let seeds grow that will be much harder to address later. The Silent Leadership, or lack of leadership, is accepting of the behaviors simply by doing nothing at all. As the child grows so does the forest that was planted prior. Behaviors are the fruits of seeds planted long before.The same theory would apply to sin. Most hideous sins as an adult do not start out grotesque but simple. In no way am I proposing that taking a piece of gum at the store at age two will end up at prison, only that we should take heed to much more than some do.

God Bless - Joe

Me time.

Growing up is a relative term. I think it has a paradox hidden deep within the word. Consider the young child who becomes the adult before they should. A movie that sticks with me, while watching my kids, best says it.

J.M. Barrie: [watching George react to the knowledge that his mother is seriously ill] Magnificent. The boy is gone. In the last 30 seconds... you became a grown-up.
~Finding Neverland courtesy of IMDB.com

One day we will wake and it will be lost. We will have to grow up to some point, but there is a nagging part that sticks. There is a piece of you that will demand a portion of day or time for yourself. It quite possibly may be the football game that is during your kids birthday party or maybe it is more complex than that. It could be the time you wish to "let it all hang out" when the children are in bed. There you could tuck the you away into a box and be care free, well unless the children wake... and the bubble bursts while you watch the me time flow down the drain.

I would propose that you find several outlets and do not rely on one for your self identify. Along with the normal nightly routine consider an adaption - a more flexible option. Maybe you could read a book, for example; flexible and adaptable to most situations.Write a blog that could be a continual work in progress or start a journal. Also, consider altering your time of day. Maybe an early rise works better than a up late.

It will not always work out in your favor. I am so sorry to admit that to you, nor will that feeling subside. However, it is all a matter of perspective my friends. Do not let your lack of personal time and exhaustion be shed upon the ones who are too young to realize. Do not make them grow up. Let the rightful child take their time getting there...

What the @%$^#, you did what?

Every parent will have them. There is no use in running, or pretending, or trying to hide. The moment when you look at your lovely little creature and wonder if they were spawned vs. birthed. How could he/she have done... Oh yes, consider that a warning.

Keep your composure and try to figure out what actually happened. It often does not always happen as it would appear (most likely it will be worse than you imagined). Counting to 10 (for yourself) is very helpful too. Keep calm and talk through the situation. There are really very few situations where you have to pull out the he-man-ogre tone and growl. That time will come but save it for effect when it is truly needed. There are basics to communication that we should visit along with how to walk through the situation.

• Keep calm. 
• The moment that you lose your cool the tears will start taking this down another path
• If tears start prior - show some comfort but have a hesitant distance as you investigate.
• Ask "what happened?"
• Decipher as needed
• Ask questions...(put the badger away... they are kids)
• Ask "why did this happen?"
• There is usually a good reason in a kids mind for the actions he/she performed
• Just go along with the story so you can get the beginning, middle and end
• Coach the child on the right thing to do.
• Take the child down the path showing him or her where it went wrong
• Explain why (in your nice voice) this is the correct decision or action
• Have them repeat it back to you.
• Repeating the what, where, where and correction back to you is key (in the adult world this is called 360 Communication or The Communication Cycle)
• This shows that the child retained the information

Now, so you can see how this doesn't work... and how you will most likely react when the moment arrises for the first time - read below.

 There was a period of about three days when I could swear that our kids were raised by natives, or wolves or anything that was not of my home. I went in to the bathroom for a normal relief after a long day. I am not the read a book kind of guy but was taking my time... Anyways, I noticed something on the shower curtain. "What is that?" I asked myself. Upon closer identification it was a booty wipe... someone had used the shower curtain as a piece of toilet paper. My wife and I decided that we should put up wool shower curtains (that would solve it if the culprit were to strike again).

Judging by the height we determined that it was the little one who was just learning to potty on her own. Maybe we were out of toilet paper on the roller and that was the next logical thing. We talked to her using the steps above, and felt good about the outcome. Well, that is until the next time. So when we discovered the potty-graffiti-artist had swiped again - we confronted the munchkin with a little more aggressiveness to show we were not pleased with how this was going down. While confronting her my oldest child dropped to the ground and started crying... My oldest... Now here is the part not to do... "What the hell is wrong with you?" After the initial loss of control - I regrouped and repeated the steps above.

Since those days - I have witnessed two boys using our tub as a bar-style trough urinal, a water bottle filled... and in case you were wondering the liquid waste from our body does not change the buoyancy of legos. They still do not float.

I am happy to report that the booty artist has changed professions and our lego men are not deep at sea. Good times.

God Bless - Joe

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Breasts don't have PCB's (Revised)

Below is an article that I created some time ago. I'll never forget it. It was the first article that I have written which sparked a few arguments. Those of you that know me, will understand that I share my point of view. I am not trying to necessarily persuade you but am stating my feelings based on observations and living life on both sides of the issue. I, of course, do also make some bold statements which one who would wish to argue would have to defend against. I suppose I should have taken debate - but I never saw the benefit. Well, if I would have studied Dale Carnegie at an early age maybe things would be different.

Below are two articles. One (the original, which was several years ago) and the adaption, from a more current family and male perspective.

[Original Article]

I am not an expert. Nor do I have the proper organs to facilitate the argument of this quick blog. However, while I was looking for pictures for a website that I am assisting with - I noticed something. Breast feeding is a natural function of the human female body and was the intentional design. The rest of the world and world health organization, supports breast feeding and notes the advantages. So, why have we, as Americans, downgraded human life to an expendable, form? Our animals are now considered babies by most. Our babies are considered vermin by some. After that confusion we then move to the people that actually "want" children. You can cut your baby out if you like (c-section), you can cut your baby up (abortion), you can drop your baby off at random places if you do not want them... Before I continue, I must also state that dropping your baby off is a MUCH better option in efforts of preserving life. We can hire someone to even raise our babies for us. 

So, while I was looking at photos - I just wanted to note that most people would call these beautiful... The animals are naturally performing a feeding. We will place these on public office walls, admire on our screen savers, send photos to friends, show our children, play on tv commercials.... This is a work of art divinely inspired!

I have not really seen advertisements of the animals being hand fed and that being associated with beauty. Unless, of course, it was some sort of rehabilitation. Even the little piglets are tandem nursing. Which, for those of you that do not know, is nursing more than one infant at a time. Humans turn their heads at two children nursing at the same time. The cute little pigs though are expected to nurse 7-8 in a sitting.

This is a topic that I could continue blabbing about for a long time so I will just skip the body and hit the main point.

Look at the baby's faces in these photos. The nursing vs. bottle fed. I am not even going into the health (nutrients) of feeding. Only the attachment. The bottle fed baby stares into the sky, or out into the world - no real look other than dazed. Of the 65 pages for the stock photos, I only found 1 photo of a bottle fed baby smiling at his or her mom. The other photo is of a breast fed child. How can you deny the absolute connection that the feeding shares? 

Of course then we wonder why our kids need supplements, are detached, and cannot confide in us. We fed them a replacement from birth, let them feed themselves from a replacement mother and Ferberized them for the remainder of their life. Deal with it, cry it out.





[Adaption Article]

Of course I still feel that same about what is best for a human child. I have also come to terms having seen many people on both sides of the issue that a healthy baby is best. I would give anything to see a bottle fed healthy baby over a malnutritioned child or one which endures smoke before they are even able to crawl.

This adaption is simply to pose several photos which I found bizarre. As Americans, our culture finds the next two photos to be normal, sexy and glamorous.

 

The next two people will often be asked to cover up or go to the bathroom to nurse. In some states, this is not protected, and there are even stories of women getting kicked out of places for what is shown below. Even the women who are never confronted have to brave cruel comments or criticizing looks.

 

To feed the children they are asked to go to a room, which is provided to them.

 God Bless - Joe

5-S? Sounds like a !#$@#$%&* swear word to me.

This posting was originally published under another blog that I maintained. I liked the entry so I updated it and posted it here.

5-S - you may ask? What is that? More than likely it is something that you do - in many instances of your life. Clean out the clutter and put things away. 5-S stands for Sort, Straighten, Sanitize, Standardize, and Sustain. It is a part of a lean journey where the waste is removed. Directly, you may remove waste by the discarding of unused items. Indirectly, you may gain time, or make your task more efficient. Many manufacturing and businesses have adopted this process. It can also be a key to your home successes too.

Consider the following: Imagine a day that you were late for work. The alarm clock did not go off and you are frantically running around your house. The "Flight of the Bumble Bee" is playing in the background. Think about your clothes. Now, knowing that you are late - find what you need in the pictured room.

The idea of lean, which is what 5-S is a part of, is waste reduction. In this case it is time by removing all the items that you are not using. If you find that you are using all the items - great - except we must now organize. It is an art as well as a discipline. When you begin this journey in your home it will take some time to establish.

Consider small things first. Go through your sock drawer and remove all the unmatched socks. Match all the socks while you are there. Make sure your socks have a certain spot, your shirts, your jeans, your shoes, etc. Everything has a specific place. This is not the hard part by the way. The use of the system is the easy part and you will be very thankful for it when you get accustomed to it. I must warn you, the hard part, will be to put everything back the same way every time. Everything has a place, and everything in its place. Once you have the standard set - label it. Place a label that can work for everyone. Make it kid friendly too! If you set up a standard process - and find yourself deviating take a moment and revisit the process. If you place your socks in drawer 4 and your map says the socks belong in the other room - should you adjust your map? Your standard process should also be realistic, and adaptable. I caution the adaption portion - only if your plan changes the standard. If your plan does not change, and you just start adapting here and there based on "time" or "laziness" then you have broken your process and the 5-S will crumble. However, you may get to play the "Flight of the Bumble Bee" song. If you just want to hear the song, go to this site.

One of the things that we have done in our home also revolves around laundry. With seven of us piling up 1+ sets of clothes a day, the "piles" were getting out of hand. So, we took 6 clothes hampers and labeled each of them with a different type of clothing which was coordinated by laundry loads. For example, we have a "whites's", as well as "dark colors", down to "wet clothes." Each basket is about the size needed for 1 load of laundry. To help the children with this we also drew pictures and placed it on the baskets. The kids then colored them. As a family we held a meeting to go over the process together.

Here is the last visual to help you understand the effects of 5-S. Consider a word search puzzle. Consider the length of time that you spend looking for the words. The diagonal, vertical, and horizontal words that cross or share letters - even the really tricky ones that go backwards. Now if the words were already circled, or listed out in the same order or manner so they were easy to pick out - how long would that puzzle actually take? What if all the letters that were not needed, were removed?


Once you have this down, consider all of the other things that you could do? The garage, your tool box, the cupboards, etc. Other examples can be found by visiting this site of "before and after" pictures of 5-S.

God Bless,

Joe







Pictures found at:
http://lizette.i.ph/photo/d/760-1
http://webscripts.softpedia.com/screenshots/Word-Search-Game-24400.png/DSC02131.JPG?g2_GALLERYSID=TMP_SESSION_ID_DI_NOISSES_PMT

The family umbrella.

After leaving church today one of my kids did not want to listen to the rules; he wanted to run in the parking lot. Granted, there was not a lot of traffic, but that was not the point. We have rules that we must follow regardless of the circumstances to ensure that nothing would ever happen. As an adult we know not to have appliances plugged in near water - sure there may be no major harm, but it is a chance we should not take. The same way that even a skilled electrician needs to "kill the power" to a circuit he or she is working on.

My wife had an excellent idea to come home and have an activity at the table to act as a lesson. The idea was simple. Draw a picture of an umbrella and have the kids put certain things in the umbrella which represent rules etc. God provides us the knowledge and the ability to provide the rules and structure. Through faith and obedience to the rules we will remain safe under his plan. Mommy and Daddy use God's word to hold up the umbrella protecting us from all that could happen. The kids enjoyed it and we got the needed point across.

Simple instruction that could be applied to so many things.



God bless.
 Joe

Family size freak show?

I was listening to my wife and a couple other ladies talk last night about family size. One lady was from a family of eight and has 3 kids. The other lady has four children and lastly my 5 mongrels were at the same bash. They started talking about the "looks" that they receive when going into public. The comment, which stood out to me, "it is amazing how much cuter my kids become [in public] when there are only two [of five]."

Each of my children have the same mother and father. They are well groomed (heaven forbid, we have a bad day and they dress themselves). They misbehave and of course when 5 are at the same time it is a circus but it is all relative the quantity. Is it that people are amazed we can handle it? Is it terror? Seriously, I am curious. We are not the Duggar's with 19 and counting... Of course we are a little larger than the "average" and have to get a larger vehicle than most...


Seriously people, it is an investment. We look forward to the holidays when everyone is home. We have given up the exotic vacations, fancy living, and other luxuries for now in hopes that later we will be rewarded much more. I am not judging you if you only want one child. Please do not judge me if I want more than that.

Average Family Size

"For all practical purposes, the size of an average household in a nation is the same as the size of the average family. In the United States, the average household consists of 3.1 persons.
That’s a small average by world standards, but not the smallest, Sweden and East Germany both have an average household of just 2.6 persons.

Colombia has the largest average household of any nation in the Western Hemisphere, 5.9 persons. But the African nation of The Gambia has the largest average household of any country on earth, 8.3 persons!"
-http://www.bigsiteofamazingfacts.com/what-country-has-the-worlds-largest-average-family

Lastly, I charge you to leave some comments below - why do you think people give the reactions they do? Honestly. What is your ideal family size, and why?

God Bless - Joe